2nd of January.  2013 is officially underway, and what a strange and wonderful start its been!

I awoke on the 1st experiencing the most extraordinary rush of emotion.  Something that I can’t quite pinpoint – I was simultaneously sad and happy, at a loss and hopeful.  Wanting to sink and cry, but was drawn to the window to look out into that rare blast of winter sunshine.  Oh my God – it was such a beautiful day!

I wonder whether in that moment I was saying goodbye to something, so that when I did look out of that window I could fill up completely with all that is positive and happy in life.  I’m in no doubt that over these past few months I’ve been bogged down, by not just the added seasonal fat, but  by the fears of failure and the restrictions of what can’t be right now.

How incredible it was to let all of that go, and suddenly believe that everything is going to be ok.  That everything and anything is possible.

I have hurdles and blockages ahead of me for sure, but there have been lots of question marks around what to do next, where to go, where to stay, how to get extra money to help me through these initial stages of starting up.  If I do this – will it take me back?  If I go there – will it fuck me up?  If I do this – how will I go there, what will happen then?  What if this stops that, or delays that thing over there?  This intricate web of why not’s and what’s next strangling the very essence of change, of growth.  STOP IT!

blue eyesnakeLook out the window and feel the sun’s warmth.  Check out those crazy statues on the patio!  Stop thinking so much, and everything suddenly becomes so clear.  I know exactly what needs t0 be done, and how to get there.

Today I start my 12 day cleanse.  I found the instructions in one of my Ayurvedic Cookbooks and taking heed of one of Matthew’s parting recommendations – I’m going to experiment!

I’ve never done an official cleanse before!  Each day I cut things out of my diet – caffeine, sugar, dairy, starch,  until I reach the peak of a two-day liquid-only fast.  Then I gradually return to my regular (and hopefully improved diet), in which time my body should have naturally eliminated toxins, feel lighter and more alert.

In this 12 day stint I’ll be starting to take those all important steps I’ve been putting off for so long.  A shift in mindset has occurred, a change in energy.  I’ve accepted something at last, and it feels like I’m not pushing against it anymore, rather letting it flow straight through me.

I’ve spent my first morning feeling overwhelmed with gratitude and love to all the incredible people I’ve got to know over the years, all the lessons I’ve learnt; in awe of that spectacular spectrum of emotion that we pass through day-to-day.  The 1st of January was a beautiful day…and the 2nd, albeit grey and gloomy outside, is beautiful too!

Happy 2013 everyone!

Happy New Year!