Been a bit quiet on the blogging front these past couple of weeks for two reasons.

1) The Olympics.   Which I’m not going to say much about other than I wish I had some 3D glasses, and WOW – loving it!  (Have asked myself whether its very yogi to be leaping about the kitchen and screaming “COME ON!!!!” at the television ten times a day…)

2) Neem has been introduced into my daily Ayurvedic remedy concoction.

I didn’t know much about it.  I was feeling pretty good.  Womanly, strong, at times joyful, and other times not so joyful, but still pretty damn good – part of me thinking that I must be nearing the end of this Pitta exorcism.  Then the doctor said it was time to go deeper, so here’s some neem.  I mix half a teaspoon with the hot water after two meals a day, alongside some other remedy, and it came with an emphatic warning asterisk.  She said it would make me feel low, and if it gets too much to let it go.

(I tried to write about this in a blog a few days back but made it private because it didn’t feel right.  After many debates about why I would willingly write so candidly about personal experiences on-line, the only true answer I have is that it feels right.  So if one of them doesn’t come out quite right and I’m left with an incomplete feeling…I scrap it, or sometimes, when it takes me a little bit longer to recognise it, make it private, and hope no-one’s seen it.  So apologies to those that did read it, if the following looks familiar…)

Ahhhh!  (I’ll explain this frustration later…)

So, after clarifying that the reason it makes you feel bad is because its drawing stuff out, I felt confident enough to take it home and get started on it.

And so I did.  First day nothing.  Second day nothing.  Third day still feeling pretty good.  Damn.  This meditation must be doing me a world of good….but hang on a sec…I can’t write for shit anymore, and when I started to look outside of my emotional response to the additional remedy I suddenly noticed a whole host of issues, changes…

  1. Can only practice Moon sequence…and even that’s becoming a real struggle
  2. Spots.  I rarely get spots and suddenly I have three.
  3. HEADACHES!  Dull, oppressive, I’ve just given up coffee, throbbing.
  4. CRAZY-ASS dreams.  Vampires, goddesses, 6ft 10 Andy Murrays, homo-eroticism, just plain eroticism.  Fighting, violence, passion.  Love, hate.  Epic adventures.  War.  Wings and trying to fly.  Matthew teaching, Matthew directing films?!  Babies that turn into cats, and adults that revolt.  Kidnappings and murder, lifting up into heaven, hanging from a tree…Bob Marley/Bruce Lee….
  5. Lower back ache.  Not, I’ve been sitting awkwardly for too long back-ache, but I’ve drunk WAY too much alcohol and my kidneys are having a hell of a time…
  6. Pissing a lot.  I mean,  3 or 4 times before I’ve even had breakfast.
  7. CAN’T WRITE!   This blog is killing me.  It doesn’t feel right, just like the last three I’ve scrapped or made private didn’t feel right…my book’s on hold….again.  WTF is wrong with me?

The reason I’m publishing this – whatever it looks like or feels like – is because now I’ve recognised all this stuff, I think the lack of focus/groggy/erratic writing is valid in itself…and I’ll have to finish up soon, because my headache’s getting worse again…

I’m bloody detoxing.  Properly, deeply, detoxing.  I looked up Neem…and it cleanses the blood.  Meant to be this incredible cure-all that has some profound effects in healing pretty much everything.  So I guess the caffeine headaches, and kidney backaches, aren’t so strange after all.

I’ve not touched coffee for over 2 months, can count the units of alcohol I’ve drunk in the past month on one hand…but think of all those years….not just drinking and smoking…but getting stressed and upset and worrying about stuff, all the pollution, processed foods, insecticides….No wonder I’m experiencing a bit of discomfort still….after all this time.

When I wake in the night from my crazy dreams, I’m hot and sweaty and my right hip’s burning up.  When I wake in the morning my eyes are blood-shot.  Drink my coriander water and I can literally feel the heat, the pitta, coming out of me.

Right now, my hip’s still burning, and head’s floating away…don’t care if there are spelling mistakes, or grammatical faults…just wanna publish and get on with my day.  Stay with the discomfort, and observe every sensation.  I’m getting rid of stuff so deep…I’m cleansing my blood.