Spirituality, Health, Friends and Family….then Work.

I have to keep reminding myself of the priorities, and their respective order, by which I want to live.

Spirituality, Health, Friends and Family….then Work.

14 days back in the UK, funds receding, Third Sector,  Brighton Jobs, Monster Jobs, Guardian Jobs, Reed, Office Angels, Indeed.co.uk, all layered on top of each other on the tiny screen of this notebook, business cards with sharp edges lining my pockets.   CVs and application forms dismantled and hanging in their parts on a line…ready for picking.  Communication skills and experience, employment history, education, all of this information about my life exposed, and under scrutiny…so why does me on paper feel like such a stranger?

Everything I’ve learnt over these past few months has been about making contact with self.  With the true self.  The being that is at our core.  The more consistent that contact, the more centred, balanced and happy you are.  It seems so simple and logical – that being true to oneself equals happiness.   Should finding a job be such a contradiction?  The recruitment industry seems to thrive on misrepresentation, competition, and insensitivity.  Where exactly does that fit in with my new ethos?  And is it any surprise, that in finding work through these channels, I’m beginning to feel an imbalance, a disconnect from my body and self?

We were told by our teachers, yoga and meditation, that if we were true to ourselves, and persistent and patient in being so, that our lives would be ok…that we’d be ok.  That we’d be happy.  We learn to accept things as they are, moment to moment, and make peace with that…BUT, just so long as we are being true to ourselves.

Have you seen the job descriptions on the websites I list above?  The generic, soul-destroying business terms and jargon we must transfigure ourselves to meet?  Every application form tailored precisely to meet their needs, dumbing down of experiences, not-quite-truthful – elaboration of others….”you can always pick it up when you get there.”  The disingenuous offers of help and encouragement.  “Send in your CV for a free consultation!”  Ok….let’s do that.  A step in the right direction, and I could really do with some advice.  Doesn’t the government have some initiative or something to help us hopeless corporate degenerates get jobs?  “IT’S SHIT!”  They tell you over the phone.  “Need to change the whole thing….haven’t got a chance in hell with that mess!”  Oh.  Really.  Oh dear.  So what should I do?  “Well.  For a mere £200 you can…”

SOD OFF!  I’m unemployed you DICK!  Hang up the phone….

The problem I face, is that I quite like this whole – non-competitive side of me.  I feel happy accepting people as they are, and accepting myself as I am.  I don’t want to create this pick-n-mix alter-ego to send out into the digital, recruitment void.  It doesn’t feel real.  It doesn’t sit well.  And that’s not an aversion to something that isn’t fun and easy – like trying to cut Navasana out of your daily practice because of some unrelated “injury”.  Its bigger than that.  It’s this inherently masculine social structure within which we are forced to cooperate if we are to be deemed successful – or have potential.  But it’s no secret that this structure doesn’t work.  Look at Europe.  We’re a continent pitied by the rest of the world.  And it’s just getting worse:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2012/jun/14/britons-stuck-in-perfect-storm-inequality?newsfeed=true

My aversion, is actively putting myself back into an unsustainable system.   But, as the days wear on, and I feel increasingly conscious of being a guest in my father’s home, without income, without contribution; count my pennies at the counter of the supermarket; start to decline invitations to see friends I haven’t seen for so long –  my resolve, my determination begins to wane.  What choice do I have?

My challenge over these coming weeks, or months, is to integrate myself back into this Western corporate world, without losing contact with who I am.  Without being disheartened by the silent rejections, and economic strain.  Without losing faith in the priorities by which I believe I should live:

Spirituality

Health

Friends and Family

…then Work.

And perhaps, with patience and persistence, finding an alternative.  Finding a way that does feel right, that does feel balanced and true to who I am.

Advertisements