I didn’t feel as good about my yoga today, and I don’t know why.  Something’s off kilter.  Perhaps it was the remnants of alcohol in my system from Friday night – won’t be doing that again! Or perhaps my choice of food for dinner wasn’t nutritious enough.  Maybe, I’m coming down with something after being caught in the storms, or maybe things are starting to dislodge.  The years of tar caked in my lungs, the deposits of fat and toxins from my diet, the emotional tensions I’ve stored for years.

Everyone keeps talking about these things “coming up”.  Their sweat smelling putrid with ammonia for a week or two, coughing up gunk from their smoking habit 15 years ago, breaking down into tears halfway through a class.  I asked how people responded to the tears, and apparently they leave you to it.  Cry into your practice, and let it all wash out of you.  The work is so intense, tapping into your nervous system and all this other stuff I’ve decided I want to start reading into, that certain twists or folds unique to each person can sometimes unblock your most repressed emotions.  One of the girls, who’s also a teacher, was telling me that she’s seen men turn really angry at the end of a class, completely out of character, that she herself has broken down for hours and just sobbed her heart out, but without any real sadness.  Another girl said that one stretch triggered a memory from her childhood, that was so vivid and powerful that it took her down too.  Another, cried last week.  Two days she said, crying through her practice.  Each and every one of them said they felt euphoric afterwards, a monumental release.

I feel a bit nervous about all of this to be honest.  The past couple of days I’ve been slightly irritable, and sensitive.  Flashes of things from my past have been intruding on moments of peace and enjoyment, creeping up on me unawares.  I block them out, sharply turn my attentions to something else.

Am I teetering on the edge of a breakthrough, or has it just been a bad couple of days and I’m conjuring up something that isn’t really there?  Whatever it is, my interest in the matter has been well and truly stirred.

Prem has written a book about yoga, and everyone’s been talking about it.  How enlightening they’re finding it, and I’m thinking that maybe its time for me to dig a little deeper.  Time to investigate the things that inspire so much cynicism in my own culture and seem to put so many people off this particular practice – the philosophy, the science, the spiritual side of yoga.

 

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